Wednesday, May 19, 2010

A New Beginning — I think

What a month it's been.

Not only has the 2010 postseason begun (and nearly ended) for baseball, softball, boys volleyball, track and golf in Southern Nevada, but so too has the school year. That means a big rush of news at the preps desk, but the looming death of news on the horizon (and long vacations that come with it for us prep staffers).

In the mean time, my sports editor mentioned to me about the possibility of a job next year. Unfortunately, it's not just on the sports desk (something I don't want to do in journalism), but it also involves completing the scoreboard page (or "agate work," as we call it in da biz). It's not the job I want, need, or desire. But it's a job; and right now, after far too many rejected applications and resumes that weren't even rejected but lost  in the shuffle on a managing editor's desk, I'm willing to accept whatever I can get.

So I put my name in for the position, and hope to hear back for final approval from the publisher soon.  It took me a week of agony over it, during which time I tried everything to get a concrete answer as to what I should do.

First, I went to the temple. The Las Vegas temple is a beautiful building, with a gorgeous celestial room, a place where I've visited many times (though probably not as many I should). And it was while sitting in this celestial room that I felt this strong prompting that led me to only one conclusion: I need to go to grad school. Plus, the thought of performing agate work made me physically ill. Answer received, right? Not so fast.

The next day was Sunday, a day long awaited by young single Mormons like myself not only for spiritual refreshment but also social interaction. And my ward is no different. So as I was enjoying the renewal of my ward's sacrament meeting, I got another feeling. And this one was even stronger than the first: this is a good place. You should stay here. The Lord needs you here.

In a moment that can only be described as 'WTF?' I was shocked. How could God tell me to do two things that seemed a complete contradiction to each other? How could he tell me to leave my current situation and go to grad school, then turn around the next day and tell me he needed me where I am?

I know that often times the Lord gives us answers to prayers that seem more like, "well, I'm going to give you the ball, and you figure out how to drive to the hoop." But during this week, I felt more like the answer was, "I want you to dribble to the top of the key, then hit a long jumper, and also drive inside for an easy layup on the same play." I can handle making decisions; I've never had that problem before (hence the reason I'm in Las Vegas with no family, no friends, and nothing more than a meager internship in a mid-level media market). But to do two things at once? I'm struggling with this decision.

So maybe this is one of those "choose ye this day" moments that I need to learn. And I've chosen. Now for the waiting for the rest of the day.

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