Marriage is a Place of Service

I found a reason.

Past and former readers of this blog know my strong reluctance toward marriage, mainly because I'm disgusted with the dating game. It seems fruitless to spend money on another man's wife, and I simply haven't felt the desire to be married or slog through the moments that capture perpetual YSA-hood (especially in the church).

I felt a slight change this week, though.

I've been on a cooking binge lately, trying to find new ways to use the various appliances I've purchased or received as gifts in the past few months (Yes, friends; I am a single Mormon guy and I spend a lot of time in the kitchen using cooking aides that I asked for as gifts on holidays). The experience has been a mixed review; I am by no means Emeril or Martha Stewart, but I've come to adequately use a crockpot and can grill with the best of 'em.

It just sucks not having anyone with whom to share it.

Maybe that's why marriage is such a vital institution: it gives man and woman the opportunity to serve.

President Gordon B. Hinckley spoke of the necessity of marriage in acquiring Christ-like attributes:

"There is no other arrangement that meets the divine purposes of the Almighty. Man and woman are His creations. Their duality is His design. Their complementary relationships and functions are fundamental to His purposes. One is incomplete without the other."

Service is vital to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Without it, we cannot acquire the qualities of love, hope, charity or even (to some extent) faith. By serving our fellow men, we are serving the Lord. And him whom we learn to serve, we learn to love.

I don't want to get married out of an incessant desire to be with a particular woman. I don't want to get married so that I can multiply and replenish the Earth, fulfilling one of the great commandments of the Lord. I definitely don't want to get married to aspire to leadership positions, both in a career and in the church (trust me; I abhor leadership — some might even say, fear it).

But service to your spouse should be a foundation of any marriage. Again, from President Hinckley:

"If every husband and every wife would constantly do whatever might be possible to ensure the comfort and happiness of his or her companion, there would be very little, if any, divorce. Argument would never be heard. Accusations would never be leveled. Angry explosions would not occur. Rather, love and concern would replace abuse and meanness."

How does this affect me, a Single Vegas Mormon? By preparing to serve in this capacity, I find myself desiring marriage even more. By refusing to take for granted the institution of marriage, I can avoid the pitfalls that lead to so many difficulties in early married life. By learning to serve now, I can better transition to serving my future spouse.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks counseled against a "me-first" attitude when approaching marriage:

"Modern prophets have warned that looking upon marriage “as a mere contract that may be entered into at pleasure … and severed at the first difficulty … is an evil meriting severe condemnation,” especially where children are made to suffer."

NEW MEDIA MOMENT:

I feel this is a good time to share the church's latest "Mormon Message." In a world where marriage and family are denigrated for personal fulfillment and achievement, remember the words of an Apostle of Jesus Christ. If you have strayed from the happiest levels of marriage, you can come back. The Lord wants you to "keep our love, and our marriages, our societies and our souls, as pure as they were meant to be."

We're hiatus-ing

I'm on vacation.

I still have to work, and I have several other events taking placing in town that will require my attention. I won't leave a lengthy explanation of vacation on my work voicemail, and I will be responding to calls on my cell phone and emails to my various accounts.

But I need a break. From Twitter.

If you haven't heard by now (likely from me), Twitter is the 140-character nanoblogging service that has revolutionized the Internet and social media, with news services, athletes, celebrities and the common man counting themselves among its millions of users.

And I've been very active with it. I use Twitter during football (er... soccer...) matches, college football season, college hoops smorgasbords, LDS General Conference, sacrament meeting snoozers, planning and coordination of events, breaking news and anything else for which you can use the outlet.

But I've had enough.

L.A. Galaxy and U.S. men's national team star Landon Donovan (via his Twitter account) said he was stepping away from the popular service because "there's too much negativity on there." Likewise, I've had a few friends comment to me similar things, stating that Twitter has become its own version of high school — except with 24-years-and-older versions of their teenage selves. It's a popularity contest where the medium has taken over the media it once broadcast.

And I'm sick of it.

I never liked the cliques and social circles of high school; I always tried to pass through several categorical listings. I was a three-sport athlete, a page editor for the school newspaper, a Thespian, a recovering ballroom dancer, a gamer, an occasional semi-professional B-boy, a budding fashionista and the only Gringo silly enough to take AP Spanish. One of the few titles I didn't inherit, it would seem was Prom King — quite possibly because I never went to a prom night.

When I graduated, I thought I had left high school behind. Sure, there were many things I would miss: weekend wrestling tournaments; theatre rehearsals that lasted through the night and well into the morning; football games where the better action was in the stands rather than on the field; all-night video game sessions with the boys where we subsisted on Mtn Dew and Cheetos.

But I never missed the cliques. And that's what Twitter has become. Cliquish. Uncontrolled. A popularity contest.

And, for now, I'm done with it. I have plenty else to optimize my time. A new high school sports season approaches quickly, and we have a Web site to outfit. I'm two weeks away from taking the GRE, which will dramatically influence my future. And I want to write more on this blog (you know, because I don't do that enough, working as a newspaper reporter).

I'll still be around. Just not on Twitter. And I'll be back; there's a good chance I'll be around before the NFL Lockout ends, and I'll have more time to tweet once I've taken The Test.

In the meantime, I'll still be "hanging out" (thought not literally) on Google+. I still have email and this blog. And I still have the old-fashion phone and unlimited text messaging for anyone who knows me in real life.

It should be enough — while I'm on hiatus.

More than Treading Water

I haven't posted in several months.

It seems to be the current state of my life — full of the best of intentions, with desires to do what's right for me, my family and my current economic outlook. But I just can't see to bring myself to the final step.

I have a test in two weeks, one that will dramatically determine the direction my life takes in the forthcoming years. It's called the GRE, and it's required for admission into graduate school. I haven't taken a test, enrolled in a class or completed an assignment in two years. And so, needless to say, this step terrifies me. What if I don't do as well as I expect? What if my best efforts aren't good enough to further my education? What if I find I'm just not good enough for a goal that's been mine since junior high?

Fear and doubt are paralyzing me, making me float in a river of mediocrity for the past several months. And the interesting thing about floating is you never see yourself taking a step back. I don't feel like I've degressed in life — but I'm sure I have. Physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually; the longer I float, the more I feel myself being drained at the end of each day.

And that's when I realize I'm not the only swimmer in this pool. All around me are people doing the same thing, trying to stay afloat in a tide that is constantly changing and threatening to capsize us with every wave, great or small. Sometimes, it's all we can do to tread water, float along the pool's surface, keep our mouths inches above the element so that we may gasp for air.

But there is one who promises we can make it. The Master who walked on water in his mortal ministry is there so that we can do more than tread water, but actively swim against a current that beats, batters and belittles us at every turn. All it takes is a little faith; and, like the apostle Peter, we realize that's the hardest part.

But He is there. He stands on the water, with an arm outstretched, pleading for us to take His head and walk with Him to the shore.

Jesus Christ has borne our sins, our transgressions, our iniquities, our trials, our temptations, our sickness and our ailments. And he promises that, despite all those imperfections, we can make it to shore — if we just push a little harder, swim a little faster, have a little more faith.

And sometimes, just tread a little more water.

I am more than my Marital Status

I start out by exclaiming at the top of my lungs, "I am more than a Single Mormon," even if it doesn't seem evident in the title of this blog.

As a young adult who has grown up a Latter-day Saint, I've been exposed to marriage and family since I was a 5-year-old. It's been so deeply ingrained into my psyche that I could almost express the desire for an eternal companion and lively seed over the pulpit (luckily, I will not). I have seen so many friends as they engage, endure and enthusiastically enjoy marriage (Plus-4 alliteration!) that I feel I've almost become an expert on the subject, despite have no experience of my own.

That's what makes the common question and greeting, "Why aren't you married yet?" so enraging. It's like asking a blind man, "Why can't you see that beautiful sunset?" or begging a deaf girl to "Just pay attention to the beautiful chords in this concerto."

You've seen how I feel about various counsel from the Brethren regarding marriage and family. President Monson has implored us. Elder Scott has mercifully deluged us. It seems to be a reoccurring them — not just at General Conference and weekly sacrament meetings — but in CES Firesides, Institute devotionals and other forums of religious learning.

It was even the issue of a marvelous submitted Editorial to the Salt Lake Tribune. And that a  Mormon from outside the Mormon Corridor would take the time to submit his prose to one of the two most influential newspapers in Utah says this is becoming a hot topic of interest around the worldwide church.

My married friends constantly wonder how they can help me "to become married." That's not something I like discussing. It makes me feel inferior to them, simply because I have not yet had the opportunity to seriously court, engage and wed an eternal companion. But I am so much more than my marital status, and so is every young single adult in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Acknowledging us for what we are not diminishes the qualities that we currently possess. Many of us are career-laden, active in charitable and community organizations, and important pieces of various networks in our cities and towns. I've seen lawyers, doctors, teachers, athletes, homeowners, businesspeople and even — gasp — journalists, who are still in bachelorhood.

In other words, we are not all social miscreants who play video games all day, live in our parents' basements and gorge ourselves on Cheetos and Mountain Dew.

If you really want to know how you can help us, this is a good place to start. I know the publication is from an eternity ago (aka 2004), but Bro. Brough's advice is still relevant today.

The following statement made it past church curriculum, so I'm assuming it to be doctrinally sound: "Because many married people found their spouse at an early age, they might not fully appreciate the fact that for others, finding the right partner does not come so soon or so easily." 

Do not assume that what worked during your days of dating and courtship will translate to your single friend or family member; the beauty of the gospel is that God has a plan for each individual. The value of living Prophets and Apostles is that the Lord can continually re-evaluate the counsel He has given to His people. The glory of personal revelation is that we can all receive answers to our soul-burdening questions in our own ways and in their own time.


My single status is not a communicable disease, like leprosy or skin boils. Singles of the church do not need to be ostracized, but rather loved and embraced, regardless of how long it may take us to receive the full blessings of eternity.


#IAmMoreThanMyMaritalStatus

NEW MEDIA OF THE WEEK:

Here's a great story from a single convert to the church. This young man is more than a number, more than a statistic, and most importantly, more than a marital status.

'He is not here: for He is Risen.'

It's Easter morning as I type this, but I can't see bunny rabbits, tall strands of green grass or hidden eggs in front yards, waiting for delighted children to find them and crack them open for candy hidden inside.

Instead, all I can hear is silence. The silence, as if of a graveyard, with none around but those who slumber and wait for that greatly anticipated day of resurrection.

Fitting, I suppose.

For on this Sunday, the world celebrates the greatest miracle ever known. On this special day, exactly 1,979 years ago, the Son of God was raised from the dead — his mortal putting on immortal — in power and glory, that we might be able to follow him and do the same.

Many look for signs of Christ in remembering his suffering in a garden called Gethsemane, or on a cross overlooking a hill named Golgotha — 'Place of the Skull.' But just as an angel of the Lord announced on this day more than two millenia ago, "Here is not here: for HE IS RISEN." Christ is not in the cross; he is not on Golgotha; he doesn't not wait for us as the spirits which look "forward with an eye of faith, and view this body being raised in immortality." Rather, Christ lives; He is not in the symbols of death that enshroud the Christian world's concept of this sacred holiday, but rather in the symbols of Spring time — rebirth, resurrection, and new beginnings. Even as a caterpillar emerges from its cocoon as a butterfly, or a duckling breaks free of its entrapment from within that which once held its form, so too has Christ broken free of the shackles of sin and death.

And he has promised us that we can, too.

The miracle of Easter is not only in His returning from death and sin; it is that we all may do likewise. Even as we try to follow and emulate the Savior, the Son of God and the Master, we can do as He did. Where is the sting of death? Yea, it is swallowed up in Christ Jesus.

May we all remember the true meaning of Easter, even as we contemplate Him who first celebrated it so long ago.

Marriage is What Brings Us Here Today

'Twas a special weekend in April, and not just because the weather here in fabulous Las Vegas was gorgeous. This weekend marked another year's passing with the 181st Annual General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It was a special weekend for me, and more than 14 million Mormons around the globe, as we listened to the inspired counsel of Prophets and Apostles, leaders of the church who preside and guide the daily affairs of the Lord's kingdom on Earth.
This one hurt, though.
There are three talks that mentioned the dreaded 'M' word, specifically, and several more that pointedly struck me at several spots, prompting me to cower at my inabilities and wince at my many imperfections. I'm talking, of course, about Marriage (because "Marr-waige is what bwings us two-get'er today"). In particular, a Prophet of God, President Thomas S. Monson called me out.
Two of his Apostles, Elder Dallin H. Oaks and Elder Richard G. Scott, also called me out. One spoke of having a desire to marry. The other used his death-stare to subdue me into dating "those poor sisters in the church." Then, to top it off, Elder D. Todd Christofferson came out to tell me not to murmur, but to accept correction with humility and gratitude.
I know what you're thinking: there's no way he knew he was calling you out specifically. And maybe he wasn't. But in the Saturday evening Priesthood session (for male members of the church), President Monson took a dramatically obtuse tone in directing his remarks to young single adult men in the church around my age — those who had gone through life "just having fun" and "enjoying being single" without "putting any real thought or effort into marriage."
"Nothing in this life will give you greater happiness than marriage," President Monson said. Sounds simple enough, right? It gets better. He then quoted former President Harold B. Lee.
"You are not living up to your priesthood if you purposefully put off marriage to a righteous woman in the House of God."
OUCH! I was struck. I had always considered myself a solid, faithful, active Mormon who fulfilled his priesthood responsibilities (with the occasional Home Teaching gaffe, sure, but who doesn't?) and magnified his calling. Yet because of my reluctance to dive into the forbidden, scary and outright intimidating world of dating, courtship and marriage, I wasn't living up to my promises. I was — in many ways — denying my covenants, and forfeiting blessings that could be had — whether I find true love or not.
Three talks. Three specific examples in which the general church leadership admonished young single men to "get with the program" and focus on finding — or creating — an eternal family. It hurts. It stings. It's the sharpest admonition I've ever received.
I guess I have a lot of work to do. Sigh.


NEW MEDIA OF THE WEEK
To lighten things up a bit, here's a video made by a BYU student ward about courtship and marriage. How long is too long? How short is too short? This answers it all (well, sort of).

Building on a Sure Foundation

It's definitely been far too long since I updated here. I'm sure both of my followers are saddened and dejected, too.

I was watching an episode of "Glee," recently (yes, I do watch that show; and yes, I do enjoy it. If you can't understand that, then it's probably best we never speak again), and I was amused by the value of the "Comeback" episode [aka the "Bieber-licious mock-up"] regarding Gospel principles.

Throughout the episode, Rachel is trying to regain her status as "Top Diva" at McKinley High, and she spends an exorbitant amount of time and energy attempting to be a trend setter. Eventually, her fashion for unicorn sweaters and librarian skirts catches on at the school, but it's not attributed to her — the rejuvenation of a trend once seen as early as the 1940's.

At the beginning of the ep, Rachel attempts to make leggings "the new fashion at WMHS." She enlists Brittany in this quest, but the ditzy-blonde cheerleader wears them on her arms — a trend that becomes "all the rage" at the high school. Interestingly enough, this trend was actually a popular fashion in the 1980's, a fact likely lost by most of Glee's target audience of post-1990 babies.

The rest of the episode droned on and on about Justin Bieber, as girls routinely went ga-ga over his "music" and guys continually obsessed over it to impress them. The cycle perpetuated, until no one was really certain how any trend began.

Contrast that to the Gospel. Although the standards professed by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are not as popular as Justin Bieber in the late aughts, or arm-leg-warmers in the 80's, they are nevertheless true and will bless the lives of all those who follow them.

Fashion and trendiness comes and goes. But when we build our lives on the Rock, which is Christ the Lord, we establish a foundation that will keep our houses strong when the storms come and the rains of life pelt us with an unwavering storm.

No matter what fashion or society say about it, the Gospel remains true — a sure and constant guide for all who follow its path.

NEW MEDIA OF THE WEEK
One of the many fabulous videos of the church's official "Meet the Mormons" project. This one made me tear up a bit the first time I watched it.

Enjoy!